Friday, June 10, 2011

Trust in Him!

A new month upon us and with it brings new treatment and a cause for celebration! Welcome back to those who continue to read my blog, thank you for your support and prayers! It is 3 days post the new less horrid treatment of the Red Devil and I have to say that I do feel a bit like I’ve been hit like a piƱata but nothing in comparison to what the other made me feel like. I’m hopeful that the next 12 weeks go by without incident. God is in control! I must share something with you all that God revealed to me. I’ve been spending time reflecting on my behavior towards my battle. This Monday I awoke with a need to understand why I needed to continue this tormenting treatment if I was already cured? I have prayed that God would send me a message, word, or even a sign to why this needed to continue. So, while sitting in my doctors waiting area on Monday morning, God provided an opportunity. Two ladies speaking with one another, one older and the other just a few years older than me. The younger of the two continued her conversation of how much she loved our physician, which I totally agree with. Then she commented on the fact that she had breast cancer just like me but that she was not going to need radiation. What?? I was so envious of her, and for a moment, I must have given God that look that we as children give to our parents. “How come she gets to get out of radiation and not me???” I could just feel God place His hands on me to allow the woman to continue speaking. At that moment, the older woman congratulated her and told her how happy she was for her. However, with one quick breath she responded with, “Well, I’m in stage 4, the final stage, and it’s in my bones, so radiation will not help me.”  Be careful what we wish for has never resonated so much with me, than at this moment. The older woman apologized and expressed her condolences regarding her condition. You would have expected that the other woman would have been in tears, after all, I was almost there myself. However, she turned to her and said, “Don’t be sorry, I’m still here kicking and fighting every bit of the way.” I left the room within seconds of that sentence for two reasons, one I was called to draw my labs, and second, I was so ashamed at how I had been behaving the last few weeks in regards to my own treatment.  I have dragged my feet, whined, and cried the entire time of the first four doses of chemo.  Always questioning why me and why cancer?  I now understand that God has a plan, although I may not understand it in its entirety, it is His plan, and I am His servant. We are all unwilling participants in a world filled with good and bad behaviors however, it is in our inner hearts that we must all look at closely. We must stop questioning and start believing that God is in control and that you are exactly where you need to be in regards to His plan. Should you feel ill equipped to battle lean on Him for strength. If you fall down reach for His hand to lift you up. And when your heart aches kneel at His feet for comfort. All is revealed in good time, His time, not ours. Trust in Him, I do! Brenda

No comments: