Wednesday, March 30, 2011

There is Hope and Faith

So today is my follow-up to yesterdays first round of chemo and it will be only one shot to my stomach area, but no worries it's one small injection as apposed to five if I had rabies! LOL! Only way to look at it besides the other recourse was to have it in the one good arm in which I write and sleep on occasionally and that was not going to happen. How was my first round you ask? Funny, I was not nearly as nervous as when I went for the biopsy or even when I found the lump. No, I took it one day at a time, as I promised God I would with His strength. But it did catch me off guard, a little pressure and they have a great spray that helps numb the pain. I still felt a little discomfort that released my inner anxieties and yes, some tears were shed but for the good my soul I'm sure. As I watched the others walk in one by one I couldn't help but notice their identical discomfort but without the tears. Then listening to their stories I began to be grateful  and almost appreciative for my own condition. There were those seeking treatment since 2006, those with pancreas, kidney, lung, or both along with me and my breast cancer. I was surprised to see that a few had not shed their hair but everyone's chemo is different. Everyone reacts to each treatment differently, so see, there is hope for us all yet! Something else struck me as I listened to their conversations and only added positive reinforcement when I could. There was not one word of negativity, not one I am so sick of this, not one complaint, not one angry word or even upset disgruntled participants. We all felt blessed to even be there amongst each other clinging to hope with our IV poles, port caths, wigs, and telling of past death sentences by those who do not know us as individuals. We are a conquering species, we thrive on encouragement and know that there is a greater being that has the final word. One spoke of how he was given only three months to live and that was in 2006. Another spoke of how she was told that she had only six months to live and should put her affairs in order. That was three years ago. I have to admit my father was given six months but he fought for a year and a half until he decided to go home in 1994. God has planned our road ahead of us and it is up to us to follow as willing servants but doing so is hard, I know because we are all only flesh, but rest assured His plan is far better than ours. Good example, when I received my diagnosis my decision was to remove both my breasts against the advice of every physician I spoke with in my care and even just in passing, since I work at the hospital I asked everyone. My favorite explanation came from my OB/GYN who said, "Brenda, you realize that you're taking a sledgehammer to kill an ant?" and my response, as clever as I am, "When you catch the perpetrator of a woman's violent crime and place him behind bars, is she satisfied with the feeling of being safe? No, but place a gun in her hand and teach her how to protect herself and she's a new woman again." That was pretty much where I stood, but God had better plans for me. Once I prayed and went to my special place to talk with Him it was revealed that I would not need to have both breasts removed. I text my surgeon the next morning and he immediately called. I explained my revelation and discussion with God, my surgeons response, Good! "Brenda I reflected on your request and asked myself why we were doing this and the only reason I had was so that I could comfort you and give you peace. But I'm so happy that you came to that decision yourself and wish that more patients took their medical and mental conditions to heart as you do." What a relief, I was on the right track! You see, we must all learn to trust that God will find the way through prayer and reconciliation, because with Him all things are possible. That's why I posted this tree in the background from Boulder Co. When I climbed the mountain, which was way out of my comfort zone, I realized there was no grass or dirt growing around it but instead boulders. I never in a million years thought this picture would be used as a positive for my battle with cancer or that I'd even have cancer. I was shocked at its rich color, how could anything survive with just rocks, no soil, and only cold temperatures of snow? God found a way for it to grow and its my testimony and inspirational visual to others that faith/love/and hope will endure. So today I leave you with this verse: Luke 17:6 He replies, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, "Be uprooted and planted in the sea," and it will obey you." From the looks of this picture it may be evident that someone already has that mustard seed of faith! God Bless you all and until we meet again, I pray that all is well in your worlds! Brenda

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