Reflections

Looking back, I can see God’s divine intervention throughout my life, not that I could not see it before but today I see it a little clearer as I move towards tomorrow's first round of chemo.  I have always been strong, anyone who knows me will tell you that I am tough and not afraid of much things but this BC scared the caboodle out of me.  However, in my reflections I could see God’s imprints on things that have no explanation except that it was His way of letting me know He was there.

When my mother suddenly passed (1996) three weeks before my mother-in-laws week long retirement cruise I was so depressed that I couldn’t even pack for it and I was in the ER twice.  Needless to say, God paid me a visit on the ship, yep, on the ship.  I remember praying in my room for my heart to stop aching and to not feel so guilty for being on the trip.  Of course, everyone was boozing and as much as I tried there was not enough booze to ease the pain.  That second night I asked my husband to pray with me, which he gladly did, at this point he’d tried everything else so why not pray.  Once I finally fell asleep, over the outrageous snoring my husband did, I dreamt of a social gathering with lots of people I had never met and that it all took place outside my port hole on the balcony outside my room.  It was all so elegant, people were enjoying cocktails and as I searched the crowd for people I knew I saw Jesus. He walked towards me and told me that all was going to be okay and to enjoy the present.  Well I felt so good I must have really slept after that because the next thing I remember was waking up feeling great!  My husband woke up and asked how I was feeling, much better I told him with a smile.  He then said, good, so, hey, what was all the noise last night, the people on deck were loud, and they woke me up a couple of times as they passed by our window.  Really?  I quickly got out of bed and looked outside the porthole.  Nope, we were still in the same cheap rooms, no balcony there, just the ocean.  I was so happy and quickly recanted the dream to my husband.  God confirmed His presence through my husband!  What joy!  He is real people and yes, He walks among us!  That is just one of my many reflections where I have remembered that He is all so present in our lives. 

My most current was this Feb 22 (Tues) on my husband’s birthday.  I had just had my pet scan the day before and today required more testing before Thursday’s big surgery.  We went out for my husband’s birthday dinner and Nana (my husband’s aunt) met the in-laws and us, she is a great prayer warrior.  She gave me a clutch crucifix that fits in the palm of your hand, right or left hand, and it is the perfect size.  That evening me and my husband prayed with it together.  I fell asleep clutching it to my chest in hopes that God would find me soon!  It was late but before 3am, because that is the time my husband wakes up and I hadn’t heard the alarm go off yet.  I awoke to a burning fire sensation coming from both my chest and my breasts.  The radiation of heat made me think I was on fire and I quickly came out of my sleep but never opened my eyes.  I never had to, the minute my subconscious was awake my eyes could see the glowing of heat around me, sort of when you sun bathe and close your eyes to see and feel the sun’s glow.  Then I heard the voice, “You asked for healing, go back to sleep you are being healed.”  Thank you Jesus, I replied and went back to sleep.  Wow!  The next morning I knew my scans would be fine, but wait my flesh and brain said but Jesus came after your pet scan was already performed!!!  What a typical fleshy human I am. God works miracles what is a little film to Him.  Of course, all the scans came out negative but I came out so positive!  Thank you God, for you revealed to me the many times you have and will always be with your children if we so desire You to be!  Therefore, for this one moment I have come to understand what breast cancer means to me today.  Because Regardless Every Able Sole Testifies – that- Conquerors Always Need Clear Examples Revealed to them!!  Hope all is well in your world, until we meet again, God Bless you all!  Brenda